Vaseline: the Greatest, Cheapest Thing Since Sliced-Bread

This blog post is a love letter to one of my all-time favorite, cheap things. Vaseline.

Vaseline has got to be the single greatest invention ever. Forget electricity. Forget the internet. Vaseline is the one thing I truly could not live without.

I use it for everything. Literally everything. I’m like that old guy in “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” but instead of Windex, whenever someone has a minor injury I’m all, “Put some Vaseline on it!”

I always have some on my desk at home!

I always have some on my desk at home!

I use Vaseline as Chapstick. I use it on my feet and elbows for dry skin. I use it on my nose when I have a cold and it gets all red from too many tissues. I use it for razor-burn. I use it for gross, sore hangnails that won’t stop bleeding. I use it for earrings that don’t want to go on. EVERYTHING. It is the most useful thing in the world.

The thing that makes no sense about Vaseline is that it is so gosh-darn cheap. I got a small 1.75 ounce tub of Vaseline to go to college with and it literally lasted me all 4 years. Like there was still a little extra on the bottom when I was packing my stuff up after graduation. It lasts for freaking EVER. And that tub was only $2.94. I use that stuff at least once a day which means that it costs about 1 cent per use. AMAZING! That stuff is like liquid gold! I would pay $100 for a tub and it would still be worth it.

In case I have not yet convinced you yet of the miracle that is Vaseline, here is a list I have compiled of all the things you can use it for. There’s 30 of them here but I’m sure if I tried I could find more. If this list does not impress you, I do not know what will.

Things you can use Vaseline for:

  1. Lip balm. Your lips will be soft, smooth, and kissable with just a little dab.
  2. Lip gloss. Mix it with Kool Aid for a little color.
  3. Foot cream. Put it on your heels, put socks on, and go to bed. When you wake up they’ll be nice and smooth.
  4. Elbow/ Knee cream. No more cracked dry skin!
  5. Razor-burn soother. Put some on those red, irritated bumps after you shave to help them go away faster.
  6. Manicure helper. Put some on your cuticles, especially if you have hangnails. It will help keep them looking healthy.
  7. Eyelash grower. I didn’t know this one, but apparently some people swear by it. Put just a little Vaseline on your eyelashes before you go to sleep to help them grow.
  8. Make-up remover. Dip a Cue-tip in some Vaseline to wipe off make-up. Your face will be clean in no time.
  9. Make your make-up pop. Put some on your eyes before you put eye-shadow or eye-line for a creamy look. Or put it on your cheeks for you put on blush.
  10. Use Vaseline to remove left on glue from fake eyelashes.
  11. Use just a little dab to keep eyebrows tamed and looking well-groomed.
  12. Can’t get that earring in? Put a little Vaseline on the stems to help them slide right on.
  13. Mix Vaseline with some sea salt for a great exfoliating scrub!
  14. Avoid stains on your skin from hair dye. Rub a little Vaseline on your forehead and neck before you start to avoid dye seeping into your skin.
  15. Vaseline is good on leather. Use it remove scuffs on shoes or bags.
  16. Perfume aid. Vaseline holds on to scents, so dab a little on your wrists before you spritz to help your scent last all day.
  17. Prevent streaks. Rub a little on the area you will put self-tanner on to make sure to spreads evenly. Now your fake-glow looks more natural.
  18. Put some on your teeth so they won’t stick to your lips. Great for beauty pageant contestants or actors who smile a lot.
  19. The teeth-trick also stops lipstick from spreading onto your pearly whites.
  20. Rub a little on your finger to help slide off a stuck-on ring.
  21. Can help prevent chaffing.
  22. Therapeutic for skin conditions like poison ivy or eczema.
  23. Helps heal and protect new tattoos.
  24. Use just a tiny bit to help split-ends look healthier.
  25. Rub a little Vaseline on the neck of a nail polish bottle so it’s easier to open.
  26. Stretch your favorite lotion by mixing it with Vaseline.
  27. Remove chewing gum from wood. Stick a little Vaseline on there and the wad of gum will fall right off.
  28. Remove watermarks on wood. Rub Vaseline on the stain, leave overnight, and in the morning wipe the stain away with the Vaseline.
  29. Protect your skin in harsh weather conditions. A little Vaseline on my lips, cheeks, and nose when I’m skiing keeps my face warmer!
  30. Aids with healing after cosmetic surgery.

So many uses, so little time. You should buy Vaseline for everyone on your Christmas list. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

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